Father-in-Law Quotes: 12 Sourced Lines, From Darwin to the Bible, for Cards and Toasts
Words My Family Quotes Editors
In the last days of August 1831, a young Charles Darwin turned down the voyage that would make him famous. He had been offered a place on HMS Beagle, but his father objected, and added one condition that Darwin later quoted word for word: "If you can find any man of common sense who advises you to go I will give my consent." The next morning Darwin went to Maer Hall, the home of his uncle Josiah Wedgwood II, to go shooting. His uncle heard the story, thought the voyage wise, and offered to drive him over to Shrewsbury to talk to Dr Darwin himself. The father said yes. Less than eight years later, on 29 January 1839, Darwin married his cousin Emma Wedgwood, the youngest child of that same uncle. The man of common sense had become his father-in-law.
That is the kind of father-in-law most people are trying to thank when they search for father-in-law quotes: the one who took your side before he had to. Below are 12 lines about fathers-in-law, each checked against the original book, letter or Bible text, with where it comes from and what it suits: a thank-you note, a wedding toast, a Father's Day card, a hard relationship, or a eulogy. If you need one line right now, use Darwin's: "He was the very type of an upright man, with the clearest judgment." It is short, it is real, and it was written by a son-in-law about his own father-in-law.
Pick a line by what you want to say
| Line | Who said it, about whom | Use it for |
|---|---|---|
| "the very type of an upright man" | Darwin on Josiah Wedgwood II | Thank-you note, birthday card |
| "he at once consented in the kindest manner" | Darwin on the day his uncle spoke up for him | Thanking him for backing you |
| "mildness of temper" | Marcus Aurelius on Antoninus Pius | A calm, steady father-in-law |
| "Do everything as a disciple of Antoninus" | Marcus Aurelius, same man | Retirement card, a mentor in the family |
| "Surely thou art my bone and my flesh" | Laban welcoming Jacob | Wedding toast, welcome to the family |
| "Go in peace" | Jethro to Moses | When you move away with his child |
| "Heavens rain grace" | Prospero on his daughter and her suitor | Father of the bride speech |
| "she will outstrip all praise" | Prospero to his future son-in-law | Funny Father's Day card |
| "thou hast changed my wages ten times" | Jacob to Laban | A gentle in-joke, with care |
| "see the skirt of thy robe in my hand" | David to Saul | A difficult father-in-law |
| "look at what she is" | Roger Hamley to his father, in Gaskell | When he hasn't accepted your spouse yet |
| "lovely and pleasant in their lives" | David's lament for Saul and Jonathan | Sympathy card, eulogy |
The father-in-law you look up to: Darwin and his Uncle Jos
Darwin wrote his recollections in the summer of 1876 for his children, and his son Francis published them after his death in The Life and Letters of Charles Darwin. In the pages about his student years he describes long summer evenings at Maer, and then he stops to describe the man who owned it.
"I was also attached to and greatly revered my Uncle Jos; he was silent and reserved, so as to be a rather awful man; but he sometimes talked openly with me. He was the very type of an upright man, with the clearest judgment." — Charles Darwin, Autobiography (written 1876), on Josiah Wedgwood II
"Awful" here means awe-inspiring, not bad. What makes this the best line for a card is its honesty: Darwin admits his uncle was hard to talk to, and then says the thing that mattered more. Many fathers-in-law are like that, quiet at the table and sound when it counts. Use the second sentence alone for a birthday or thank-you card; use both if you are giving a toast and want a laugh of recognition before the compliment. Darwin goes on to say that no power on earth could have made his uncle swerve an inch from what he thought right.
The second Darwin line is about the drive to Shrewsbury described at the top of this page. Dr Darwin had set his test; Uncle Jos passed it.
"My father always maintained that he was one of the most sensible men in the world, and he at once consented in the kindest manner." — Charles Darwin, Autobiography (written 1876)
"He" is Josiah Wedgwood II, and the sentence shows something people rarely put into words: a good father-in-law is often respected by your own parents too. If your father-in-law once stood up for you, to your family, to an employer, or to his own daughter when you two were young and broke, this is the line that says you remember. It works in a card from a son-in-law or a daughter-in-law alike.
What a son-in-law learned: Marcus Aurelius on Antoninus Pius
The emperor Antoninus Pius was married to the aunt of the young Marcus Aurelius. Having no son of his own, he adopted Marcus and betrothed him to his daughter Faustina; the couple married in 145. So when Marcus writes "my father" in Book I of the Meditations, the man he means was both his adoptive father and his father-in-law. Antoninus died in 161, and Marcus wrote this private notebook years later, listing what he had learned from each person who shaped him. The entry for Antoninus is one of the longest.
"In my father I observed mildness of temper, and unchangeable resolution in the things which he had determined after due deliberation; and no vain-glory in those things which men call honors; and a love of labor and perseverance." — Marcus Aurelius, Meditations I.16 (George Long translation)
This reads like a list because it is one, and that is what makes it useful. It shows how to praise a father-in-law without gushing: name what you watched him do. Mild temper, decisions made slowly and then kept, no showing off, hard work. You can quote the first clause in a card for a calm father-in-law, or borrow the shape of the whole passage for a speech: "In you I observed..." followed by three things that are true of him.
He comes back to the same man in Book VI, this time as advice to himself.
"Do everything as a disciple of Antoninus. Remember his constancy in every act which was conformable to reason, and his evenness in all things, and his piety, and the serenity of his countenance, and his sweetness, and his disregard of empty fame." — Marcus Aurelius, Meditations VI.30 (George Long translation)
This is the line for a father-in-law who taught you a trade, ran the family business you joined, or simply showed you how to be a husband or a father. "Do everything as a disciple of..." with his first name in place of Antoninus makes a striking retirement card. The whole section ends with a reminder to imitate him, so that he might have as good a conscience at his last hour as Antoninus had.
Marrying into his family: a welcome and a goodbye
The Bible's best-known fathers-in-law are Laban, Jethro and Saul, and their stories run from warm to frightening. Laban's first words to Jacob, the nephew who would marry both his daughters, are among the warmest welcomes in Genesis.
"And Laban said to him, Surely thou art my bone and my flesh." — Genesis 29:14 (King James Version)
"Bone and flesh" is the Bible's way of saying "family," echoing Adam's words about Eve in Genesis 2:23. As a stand-alone line it is a lovely thing for a father-in-law to say to his new son-in-law or daughter-in-law at the wedding, or for you to quote in a thank-you note: "From the first day you treated me as your bone and your flesh." Just know where the story goes. Laban later swaps Leah for Rachel on the wedding night, and Jacob's complaint about him appears in the funny section below.
Moses had a much easier time. He married Zipporah, a daughter of the priest of Midian (Exodus 2:21), and kept the flock of "Jethro his father in law" (Exodus 3:1). When God sent him back to Egypt, he asked his father-in-law's leave first.
"And Moses went and returned to Jethro his father in law, and said unto him, Let me go, I pray thee, and return unto my brethren which are in Egypt, and see whether they be yet alive. And Jethro said to Moses, Go in peace." — Exodus 4:18 (King James Version)
"Go in peace" is three words with no conditions. That is why this verse suits the moment many families dread: a son-in-law or daughter-in-law moving away with his child or grandchildren for a job or for family on the other side. Thank him in a card for letting you go with his blessing, and quote the verse. Jethro's later advice to Moses ("The thing that thou doest is not good") is on our page of son-in-law quotes, which covers the same relationship from the other side.
Father of the bride: two lines from Prospero
In Shakespeare's The Tempest, Prospero watches his daughter Miranda and the prince Ferdinand fall in love, while he pretends to be against it. In Act 3, unseen, he says what he really thinks.
"Fair encounter / Of two most rare affections! Heavens rain grace / On that which breeds between 'em!" — Prospero, in William Shakespeare, The Tempest, Act 3, Scene 1
This is a father-in-law's blessing, said by a man who is about to become one. It fits a father-of-the-bride speech, a card from him to the couple, or a card from you that quotes what you hope he felt. "Rare" means precious, and "breeds" means grows. If you print it, keep the line breaks as Shakespeare wrote them.
In Act 4 he hands Miranda over, and cannot help boasting.
"O Ferdinand, / Do not smile at me that I boast her off, / For thou shalt find she will outstrip all praise, / And make it halt behind her." — Prospero, in William Shakespeare, The Tempest, Act 4, Scene 1
Every father of the bride has a little Prospero in him. A son-in-law can quote this in a Father's Day card with a short line of his own under it: "You were right. She does." It is funny because it admits the father-in-law's pride, and kind because it agrees with him.
Funny father-in-law quotes, with a fair warning
The oldest in-law complaint on record may be Jacob's. After twenty years working for his uncle and father-in-law Laban, he finally says it out loud.
"Thus have I been twenty years in thy house; I served thee fourteen years for thy two daughters, and six years for thy cattle: and thou hast changed my wages ten times." — Genesis 31:41 (King James Version)
Out of context, "thou hast changed my wages ten times" makes a good joke for a son-in-law who works in his wife's family business, or who has been "promoted" to carving the turkey every year. In context it is a real grievance, said just before the two men part. So use it only where he will laugh, and never in a card meant to repair things. The same chapter ends with the two men making peace, and the Mizpah verse they shared is on the son-in-law page.
When he is a difficult father-in-law
King Saul gave David his daughter Michal, then spent years trying to kill him. In 1 Samuel 24, Saul walks into the very cave where David and his men are hiding, and David cuts off a piece of his robe instead of harming him. Then he follows Saul out, bows down, and speaks to him as a son would.
"Moreover, my father, see, yea, see the skirt of thy robe in my hand: for in that I cut off the skirt of thy robe, and killed thee not, know thou and see that there is neither evil nor transgression in mine hand." — 1 Samuel 24:11 (King James Version)
Nobody needs to send this verse to a difficult father-in-law. It is for you: a picture of keeping your respect for someone who has not earned it, and saying plainly that you mean him no harm. If you are dealing with in-laws who cross lines, our page of toxic in-laws quotes is more practical about boundaries.
Elizabeth Gaskell's last novel, Wives and Daughters, has one of fiction's best portraits of a proud father-in-law. Squire Hamley never accepted the French wife his elder son married in secret; after the son's death, the widow and her little boy come to live at the Hall, and the squire still can't warm to her. His younger son Roger keeps arguing her case.
"Never mind what she was; look at what she is! I wonder you are not more taken with her humility and sweetness, father!" — Roger Hamley to Squire Hamley, in Elizabeth Gaskell, Wives and Daughters, chapter 59
"Look at what she is" is the sentence to hold on to when a father-in-law judges your spouse by background, religion or money. It works best said by his own child, as here, rather than by the in-law being judged. Gaskell died in 1865 before finishing the book. In the chapters she did write, the squire dotes on his little grandson long before he can be kind to the boy's mother.
When your father-in-law has died
After Saul and his son Jonathan fell in battle, David, who had every reason to be bitter, wrote a lament for them both. Saul was his father-in-law; Jonathan was his closest friend.
"Saul and Jonathan were lovely and pleasant in their lives, and in their death they were not divided." — 2 Samuel 1:23 (King James Version)
This is the verse for a sympathy card when a father-in-law has died, and especially when a father and son have died close together or are buried side by side. It is also a quiet example of grace, because David praises Saul without pretending their story was simple. The next verse calls the "daughters of Israel" to weep for him. For more lines for the first year and the anniversaries after, see our dad death anniversary quotes.
If you are giving a eulogy for a father-in-law, Marcus Aurelius is the better model. His list of what he "observed" in Antoninus was written after Antoninus died, and it is one of the best-known tributes a son-in-law ever wrote.
From a daughter-in-law or son-in-law: how to write his card
Fathers-in-law are often harder to write to than mothers-in-law. Many of them don't say much, and a card full of feeling can embarrass them. These steps keep it short and real.
- Start with one thing you saw him do. Marcus Aurelius never says "you're amazing"; he says "mildness of temper." Pick one habit: he fixes things, he calls when the weather is bad, he never misses a grandchild's game.
- Add one moment he backed you. Darwin's uncle drove to talk to his father. Yours may have lent you the deposit, stood up for you at a tense dinner, or helped you move. Name it.
- Add the quote, then stop. One line from the table above is enough. A father-in-law will remember a short card that's true longer than a long one that sounds like a greeting card.
- Sign it from both of you if you are his son's wife or daughter's husband, unless the card is specifically your thanks. It tells him you are a team, which is what most fathers-in-law worry about.
Three short notes in our own words, to adapt:
- For Father's Day: "Darwin said his father-in-law was 'the very type of an upright man.' I got lucky too. Happy Father's Day."
- For a thank-you: "You didn't have to be on my side that year, and you were. Thank you for everything since."
- For his birthday, from a daughter-in-law: "Thank you for raising the man I married, and for treating me like your own from the first day."
For his wife's side of the family, see our mother-in-law quotes, and for lines he might write to you, our daughter-in-law quotes.
Lines we left out, and why
Many lists of father-in-law quotes are made of short sayings with no author, or with a name and no source. We searched for the origin of every line on this page and dropped any we couldn't trace to a book, letter or scripture. Two real lines are left out on purpose. Capulet's "Death is my son-in-law, death is my heir" (Romeo and Juliet, Act 4, Scene 5) is spoken by a father who thinks his daughter has died on her wedding morning; it is grief, not a joke about in-laws. And the Duke's compliment to Othello's father-in-law in Othello, Act 1, is a famous line about a son-in-law that reads very differently today. If you are unsure of a quote you found elsewhere, our page of misattributed family quotes explains how to check one.
Questions people ask
What to say to my father-in-law?
Say one specific thing you have seen him do and one moment he helped you, then stop. Fathers-in-law tend to value short, true words over big ones. If you want a quote, Darwin's "the very type of an upright man, with the clearest judgment" is a son-in-law's real tribute to his own father-in-law.
What are some heartfelt quotes about a father-in-law?
The most heartfelt real ones come from sons-in-law: Charles Darwin on Josiah Wedgwood II in his Autobiography, and Marcus Aurelius on Antoninus Pius in Meditations I.16 and VI.30. Laban's "Surely thou art my bone and my flesh" (Genesis 29:14) is a warm welcome for a wedding.
How do I say happy Father's Day to my father-in-law?
Keep it short and sign it from both of you. Prospero's "she will outstrip all praise" (The Tempest, Act 4) with "You were right. She does." underneath is a funny option for a son-in-law; Darwin's line suits a more serious card.
What is a good message to thank my father-in-law?
Name the moment he backed you, the way Darwin remembered his uncle talking his father round about the Beagle voyage, and add one line such as Darwin's "he at once consented in the kindest manner." If he gave you his blessing to move away, Jethro's "Go in peace" (Exodus 4:18) says it in three words.