Selfish Family Quotes: 10 Sourced Lines About Greedy Relatives, Inheritance and Thankless Children
Words My Family Quotes Editors
Oscar Wilde gave the most useful definition of selfishness in 1891, and it was not the obvious one. Selfishness, he wrote, is not living the way you want to live; it is asking other people to live the way you want them to. That is exactly why a selfish relative wears a family down. The aunt who decides how everyone else's money should be spent, the brother who treats a parent's house as his share in advance, the parent who calls a grown child selfish for having a life of their own: each one is asking the rest of the family to live around them.
Below are 10 selfish family quotes, each checked against the book, play or verse it comes from: the King James Bible, Shakespeare, Jane Austen, Charles Dickens, George Eliot and Wilde. They are grouped by the kind of selfishness you are dealing with (money, an inheritance, a thankless child, being called selfish yourself), and every line comes with who wrote it, what is happening around it and where it works. If you need one line right now, Proverbs 15:27, "He that is greedy of gain troubleth his own house", says it in ten words. For a caption, "Better is a dry morsel, and quietness therewith" (Proverbs 17:1) is the gentlest way to say you would rather have peace than the money.
Which selfish family quote fits your situation?
Start with the situation, not the author. The table matches each of the 10 lines to the kind of selfish family member it describes best; the sections below give the full text and the story behind it.
| Line (short form) | Source | Best for |
|---|---|---|
| "He that is greedy of gain troubleth his own house" | Proverbs 15:27 (KJV, 1611) | A relative whose love of money upsets everyone |
| "nobody knew better how to dictate liberality to others" | Austen, Mansfield Park, ch. 1 (1814) | The relative who is generous with other people's money |
| "speak to my brother, that he divide the inheritance with me" | Luke 12:13-15 (KJV) | Siblings fighting over an estate |
| "more visibly numerous now that he had become bedridden" | Eliot, Middlemarch, ch. 32 (1871-72) | Relatives who appear only when someone is dying |
| "Brother against brother, child against parent" | Dickens, Martin Chuzzlewit, ch. 3 (1843-44) | What money does to a whole family |
| "How sharper than a serpent's tooth it is / To have a thankless child!" | Shakespeare, King Lear, 1.4 (c. 1606) | An ungrateful adult child |
| "the meaner domestic vices propagate themselves" | Dickens, Martin Chuzzlewit, ch. 33 | Selfish parents raising selfish children |
| "Better is a dry morsel, and quietness therewith" | Proverbs 17:1 (KJV) | A short caption: peace over money |
| "Self-willed, obstinate, selfish, and ungrateful" | Austen, Mansfield Park, ch. 32 | When your family calls you selfish |
| "asking others to live as one wishes to live" | Wilde, "The Soul of Man under Socialism" (1891) | A controlling relative; the clearest definition |
Selfish family members and money
Most quarrels with a selfish relative are, underneath, about money: who pays, who borrows, who gets. These two lines, written two thousand years apart, describe the same two people, the relative who takes and the relative who spends what is not theirs.
"He that is greedy of gain troubleth his own house; but he that hateth gifts shall live." — Proverbs 15:27, King James Version (1611)
The verse is about the household, not the marketplace: greed is named as something that damages "his own house", the people closest to the greedy person. "He that hateth gifts" means someone who refuses bribes, who will not be bought. Proverbs comes back to the same picture in 11:29, "He that troubleth his own house shall inherit the wind", the line that gave Jerome Lawrence and Robert E. Lee the title of their 1955 play Inherit the Wind. Use 15:27 when a relative's money habits keep putting the family under strain; it names the damage without naming the person.
"As far as walking, talking, and contriving reached, she was thoroughly benevolent, and nobody knew better how to dictate liberality to others: but her love of money was equal to her love of directing, and she knew quite as well how to save her own as to spend that of her friends." — Jane Austen, Mansfield Park, Chapter 1 (1814)
This is Austen introducing Mrs. Norris, the aunt who proposes that the family take in a poor nine-year-old niece, Fanny Price. It is her idea, she makes all the speeches, and, as the sentence just before this one says, she has not the least intention of paying anything towards the girl's keep. Two centuries later the type has not changed: the relative who organises the parent's care, the reunion or the gift and expects everyone else to fund it. The phrase "dictate liberality to others" is the part to quote when you want to be precise rather than rude.
Greedy family members after a death
An inheritance can turn ordinary selfishness into open conflict, and "greedy family members after death" is the most searched specific kind of selfish-family quote. Both of these passages are about the same moment: the family gathering around money that is about to change hands.
"And one of the company said unto him, Master, speak to my brother, that he divide the inheritance with me. And he said unto him, Man, who made me a judge or a divider over you? And he said unto them, Take heed, and beware of covetousness: for a man's life consisteth not in the abundance of the things which he possesseth." — Luke 12:13-15, King James Version (1611)
A man in the crowd asks Jesus to settle a dispute with his brother over their inheritance, and Jesus refuses to take sides. Instead he warns both of them about covetousness and goes straight on to the parable of the rich fool (Luke 12:16-21), the man who builds bigger barns and dies that night. A quarrel between two brothers over an estate, told in two verses, makes this the natural Bible passage for siblings arguing over a parent's estate. The last clause, "a man's life consisteth not in the abundance of the things which he possesseth", stands well on its own.
"...all that was agitating the breasts of the old man's blood-relations, who naturally manifested more their sense of the family tie and were more visibly numerous now that he had become bedridden." — George Eliot, Middlemarch, Chapter 32 (1871-72)
The old man is Peter Featherstone, a rich widower with no children of his marriages, and this part of the novel is titled "Waiting for Death". His brother Solomon, his sister Jane Waule and a crowd of nephews, nieces and cousins take turns sitting in his house, partly to show affection and mostly to keep watch on each other. Eliot's joke is in the word "naturally": the closer the money, the stronger the sense of family. Three chapters later she calls the mourners at his funeral "Christian Carnivora", and then he leaves most of his estate to a son none of them knew about. If your family is behaving like this around a sick parent, this passage tells you that it is old, common and recognisable, which can be a comfort in itself.
"Brother against brother": what a rich relative sees
Dickens built a whole novel around family selfishness. Martin Chuzzlewit opens with a rich old man lying ill at a village inn while his relatives arrive one by one, each sure the others are after his money. Early in the book he describes what his wealth has shown him.
"Treachery, deceit, and low design; hatred of competitors, real or fancied, for my favour; meanness, falsehood, baseness, and servility; or... an assumption of honest independence, almost worse than all; these are the beauties which my wealth has brought to light. Brother against brother, child against parent, friends treading on the faces of friends, this is the social company by whom my way has been attended." — Charles Dickens, Martin Chuzzlewit, Chapter 3 (1843-44)
Old Martin Chuzzlewit says this to his cousin Mr. Pecksniff, a hypocrite who is himself angling for the money; the cut in the middle is Dickens's aside that Martin "looked closely in his cousin's eyes" as he said "an assumption of honest independence". The speech is bitter and the novel does not entirely take his side: his suspicion has made him selfish too. "Brother against brother, child against parent" is the short form that works as a caption or a line in a letter; the full list is for when you want the whole picture of a family split by money.
Thankless children and selfish parents
Selfishness runs both ways between generations. Shakespeare gave the most famous line to the parent who feels used, and Dickens the clearest explanation of how a selfish parent produces a selfish child.
"How sharper than a serpent's tooth it is / To have a thankless child!" — William Shakespeare, King Lear, Act 1, Scene 4 (c. 1606)
Lear has just given his kingdom to his daughters Goneril and Regan. Soon afterwards, while he is staying with her, Goneril complains about his rowdy household and asks him "a little to disquantity" his train of a hundred knights. He answers with a terrible curse on her, and this is its last line. The play is careful, though: Lear has been foolish and vain, and he has just disowned the one daughter, Cordelia, who loved him honestly. That makes the line truer, not weaker, for a parent who feels a grown child has taken everything and given back nothing. In a message, quote only the two lines; the curse before them is far too savage for anything but the stage.
"...it will usually be found that the meaner domestic vices propagate themselves to be their own antagonists. Selfishness does this especially; so do suspicion, cunning, stealth, and covetous propensities. Martin had unconsciously reasoned as a child, 'My guardian takes so much thought of himself, that unless I do the like by myself, I shall be forgotten.' So he had grown selfish." — Charles Dickens, Martin Chuzzlewit, Chapter 33 (1843-44)
Young Martin, the old man's grandson, is in a fever-ridden American settlement called Eden, nursing his servant Mark Tapley, and he begins to see himself clearly for the first time. Dickens's point is that the grandson learned selfishness from the grandfather who raised him: a child who watches an adult look after himself first concludes that he must do the same. (The Gutenberg text prints "MYself" in capitals for emphasis.) This is the passage for anyone trying to understand a selfish parent, or to make sure the pattern stops with them.
Short selfish family quotes for a caption or status
For Instagram, a WhatsApp status or a card, short works better than clever, and a quiet line says more than an angry one. This proverb is the shortest full verse on the page.
"Better is a dry morsel, and quietness therewith, than an house full of sacrifices with strife." — Proverbs 17:1, King James Version (1611)
A "house full of sacrifices" means a house full of feasting: in ancient Israel much of the meat at a celebration came from sacrificed animals. The proverb prefers dry bread in peace to a banquet with a fight at the table. It is the line for anyone who has decided the money, the house or the heirloom is not worth the war, and it suits a family holiday where you are keeping the peace.
Other lines from this page cut down well (always keep the attribution):
- "He that is greedy of gain troubleth his own house." (Proverbs 15:27)
- "How sharper than a serpent's tooth it is / To have a thankless child!" (King Lear)
- "Brother against brother, child against parent." (Martin Chuzzlewit)
- "A man's life consisteth not in the abundance of the things which he possesseth." (Luke 12:15)
- "Selfishness is... asking others to live as one wishes to live." (Oscar Wilde)
If you want something with more bite, our sarcastic quotes about bad family relatives are written for that mood, and the toxic family quotes page covers relatives who do real harm rather than simply take too much.
When your own family calls you selfish
"Selfish" is also a word families use to keep people in line: for moving away, for saying no, for choosing a partner or a job the family did not choose. Austen wrote the scene, and Wilde gave the answer.
"Self-willed, obstinate, selfish, and ungrateful. He thought her all this." — Jane Austen, Mansfield Park, Chapter 32 (1814)
Fanny Price has refused a proposal from the rich, charming Henry Crawford, whom she rightly does not trust. Her uncle, Sir Thomas Bertram, who has housed and educated her, cannot understand it and lectures her until she is in tears; these words are Fanny hearing the list of charges in her head. The novel is entirely on her side: by the end, Crawford has run off with Sir Thomas's married daughter, and Sir Thomas sees that Fanny was right. Quote it when you have been called selfish for a decision that was yours to make.
"Selfishness is not living as one wishes to live, it is asking others to live as one wishes to live. And unselfishness is letting other people's lives alone, not interfering with them." — Oscar Wilde, "The Soul of Man under Socialism" (1891)
Wilde's essay, first published in the Fortnightly Review in February 1891, is mostly about politics and art, and this passage is his defence of individualism: the right to develop your own life. Taken into a family, it turns the accusation around. The person who wants to live differently is not the selfish one; the person who insists everyone live their way is. It is the most quotable line on the page. Keep the second sentence if you have room: it is the part that tells you what unselfishness actually looks like.
How do you deal with selfish family members?
Decide what you will and will not give, say it once and calmly, and stop arguing about who is right. A quote can help you name the problem, but it rarely changes the other person; what changes things is a clear limit you actually keep. A few practical steps that work for most families:
- Name the pattern to yourself first. Is it money (Proverbs 15:27), control (Wilde), ingratitude (Lear) or an inheritance (Luke 12)? Knowing which one you are facing tells you what limit to set.
- Set the limit in plain words, not in a quote. "I can't lend money again, but I'm happy to help you look at a budget" lands better than a proverb sent at midnight.
- Put money and estates in writing. Loans, shared costs for a parent's care and anything to do with a will are where selfish relatives do the most damage. A written agreement, or a solicitor or mediator for an estate, takes the personal fight out of it.
- Don't post a quote at someone. A pointed caption is read by the whole family and usually starts a second argument. If you post a line, post it for yourself, the way you would a diary entry.
- Keep the relationship you can. Some selfish relatives are worth seeing at Christmas and nothing more. Distance is a choice, not a failure, and the people who show up for you may be found well outside the family tree: we collected the lines on that in family is not always blood quotes.
Lines we checked before using them
Many selfish-family quotes online come without a source. These are the notes we made while checking the ones on this page and a few we left out.
- "Selfishness must always be forgiven, you know, because there is no hope of a cure." This is real Austen (Mansfield Park, Chapter 7), but it is not Austen's advice. Mary Crawford says it as a laughing apology for keeping Fanny waiting while she rode Fanny's horse. Quote it as a character's joke, not as the author's view.
- "How sharper than a serpent's tooth..." If you see it as "sharper than a serpent's tooth is an ungrateful child", that is a paraphrase. The play's words are "thankless child", and the line ends Lear's curse on Goneril; it is not a general proverb.
- Wilde's line comes from an essay about individualism and politics, not about families, and the wording above is from the 1891 essay as printed on Project Gutenberg.
- "Inherit the wind" is Proverbs 11:29, not a line invented for the 1955 play or the 1960 film.
- Most of the short "selfish relatives" lines on Pinterest and Instagram have no author at all. We left them out rather than guess. For famous family lines that are routinely credited to the wrong person, see our misattributed family quotes page.
Questions people ask about selfish family members
What does the Bible say about selfish family members?
The clearest verses are Proverbs 15:27, "He that is greedy of gain troubleth his own house", and Luke 12:13-15, where Jesus refuses to settle two brothers' inheritance dispute and warns them against covetousness. 1 Timothy 5:8 goes further and says that anyone who does not provide for their own household "hath denied the faith".
Is it selfish to move away from family?
Not in itself. Wilde's test is useful here: selfishness is asking others to live as you wish, not choosing your own life. Moving away becomes selfish only if you leave people who depend on you with no plan and no help. Austen's Fanny Price was called "selfish, and ungrateful" for a refusal the novel shows was right.
What is a short quote about greedy family members after a death?
Luke 12:15, "a man's life consisteth not in the abundance of the things which he possesseth", is the classic choice. For something drier, George Eliot noticed that a dying man's relatives "were more visibly numerous now that he had become bedridden" (Middlemarch, Chapter 32).
If you only keep one line from this page, keep Proverbs 17:1. A dry morsel in quiet is still a meal, and sometimes choosing the quiet is the most generous thing anyone in the family does.