Gibran on Family: 7 Quotes From The Prophet, With the Lines Around Them
Words My Family Quotes Editors
In The Prophet, nobody asks Gibran's sage a question about "family". A woman holding a baby against her bosom asks about Children. Almitra asks about Marriage. A mason asks about Houses. The family advice people quote from the book is scattered across those separate answers, and it reads differently once you see who was asking and what the lines around it say. Below are seven lines, all checked word for word against the 1923 Alfred A. Knopf text (Project Gutenberg eBook #58585), each with its chapter, its context and a note on when it fits a card or a toast.
The book opens with Almustafa, who has waited twelve years in the city of Orphalese for the ship that will take him back to the isle of his birth. As he prepares to leave, the townspeople ask him to speak. Everything below is his answer to a question put by one of them.
The seven lines at a glance
Word counts are ours, for choosing what fits a card or a caption.
| Line begins | Chapter | Asked by | Words |
|---|---|---|---|
| Your children are not your children | On Children | a woman with a babe | 17 |
| You may give them your love but not your thoughts | On Children | a woman with a babe | 16 |
| You are the bows from which your children | On Children | a woman with a babe | 14 |
| But let there be spaces in your togetherness | On Marriage | Almitra | 18 |
| And stand together yet not too near together | On Marriage | Almitra | 29 |
| Your joy is your sorrow unmasked | On Joy and Sorrow | a woman | 21 |
| Your house shall be not an anchor but a mast | On Houses | a mason | 10 |
On Children: three lines from one answer
Your children are not your children.
They are the sons and daughters of Life's longing for itself.
They come through you but not from you,
And though they are with you yet they belong not to you. — Kahlil Gibran, The Prophet, "On Children" (1923)
The first sentence is the one that travels. Read on and it is less a rebuke than a correction of grammar: children come "through" their parents, not "from" them. Gibran does not say the love is smaller. He says the ownership claim is wrong. When you use it on a card for new parents, the lines that follow it are worth keeping, because they turn the warning into a job description.
You may give them your love but not your thoughts,
For they have their own thoughts. — Kahlil Gibran, The Prophet, "On Children" (1923)
This is the line parents of teenagers and adult children reach for. The text goes on to say that parents "may house their bodies but not their souls", because the souls "dwell in the house of tomorrow, which you cannot visit, not even in your dreams." Then comes the sentence most quotations leave out: "You may strive to be like them, but seek not to make them like you." The instruction runs from parent toward child's example, not the other way round, which is the opposite of how the earlier line is usually used in arguments.
You are the bows from which your children as living arrows are sent forth. — Kahlil Gibran, The Prophet, "On Children" (1923)
Quoted alone, the archer image sounds like a lesson in letting go. In the book the next lines give the archer a name and a purpose: "The archer sees the mark upon the path of the infinite, and He bends you with His might that His arrows may go swift and far." So the archer is not the parent. Then comes the part that makes the passage kind to the bow: "Let your bending in the Archer's hand be for gladness; For even as he loves the arrow that flies, so He loves also the bow that is stable." A graduation card that quotes only the first line sends the arrow off and forgets the parent. Add the last line and it comforts both.
On Marriage: spaces, pillars and a lute
The marriage chapter begins with closeness, not distance: "You were born together, and together you shall be forevermore." Only then does Almitra's answer turn: "But let there be spaces in your togetherness, And let the winds of the heavens dance between you." People who quote "let there be spaces" without the opening are changing what the passage argues.
And stand together yet not too near together:
For the pillars of the temple stand apart,
And the oak tree and the cypress grow not in each other's shadow. — Kahlil Gibran, The Prophet, "On Marriage" (1923)
Two images, one point. A temple's pillars hold a roof by standing apart, and an oak and a cypress each need the light the other would block. Just before it, Gibran gives the most quotable instruction in the chapter: "Fill each other's cup but drink not from one cup", and the lute: "Even as the strings of a lute are alone though they quiver with the same music." For a wedding program the pillars passage is the strongest single choice, because it ends on an image rather than on a rule.
But let there be spaces in your togetherness,
And let the winds of the heavens dance between you. — Kahlil Gibran, The Prophet, "On Marriage" (1923)
Use this one on a card from a couple's friend or a sibling: it is short and gentle, and it reads as a blessing rather than advice. If the couple is in a hard season, it also gives permission for separate evenings without implying anything is wrong. For a spouse who feels crowded, the same line is easier to say aloud than a complaint.
On Joy and Sorrow, and a House as a Mast
Your joy is your sorrow unmasked.
And the selfsame well from which your laughter rises was oftentimes filled with your tears. — Kahlil Gibran, The Prophet, "On Joy and Sorrow" (1923)
This is the chapter families return to at a christening and a funeral alike. The answer goes on: "The deeper that sorrow carves into your being, the more joy you can contain." That second sentence is what you want on a sympathy note, because it does not hurry the grieving person past the sorrow. If you are writing to someone who has lost a parent, our page of sourced sympathy lines for the loss of a mother pairs well with it.
Your house shall be not an anchor but a mast. — Kahlil Gibran, The Prophet, "On Houses" (1923)
A mason asks about houses and Gibran answers with a warning against comfort that becomes a master: it "enters the house a guest, and then becomes a host, and then a master." The house, he says, should not be "a glistening film that covers a wound, but an eyelid that guards the eye." The anchor-and-mast line suits a housewarming or a move-out card, since it says a home exists to send you somewhere. The popular image for the passage, "your house is your larger body", appears earlier in the same chapter and is also verified in the text.
Which line for which card
- New baby: "Your children are not your children." Add the next sentence ("They come through you but not from you") so it reads as a welcome, not a warning.
- Teenager or adult child leaving home: the bows and arrows line, with the closing "He loves also the bow that is stable" for the parent.
- Wedding card or toast: the pillars and the oak and cypress. Keep "Fill each other's cup but drink not from one cup" for a longer program.
- Anniversary: "Let there be spaces in your togetherness", preceded by "You were born together, and together you shall be forevermore."
- Sympathy: "Your joy is your sorrow unmasked", then "the deeper that sorrow carves into your being, the more joy you can contain".
- Housewarming or a move: "Not an anchor but a mast."
Keep the lines whole: a blockquote that skips a sentence should say so with an ellipsis. The sentences on either side of these are often the ones that make them kind. For the other kind of family writing, where nobody is wise or gentle, see our page on toxic family relationships or the lines on chosen family, and our guide to misattributed family quotes if a line you found online has no author you can check.
Source
All lines are from Kahlil Gibran, The Prophet (New York: Alfred A. Knopf, 1923), as transcribed in Project Gutenberg eBook #58585. Line breaks inside blockquotes follow that text. The word counts and the card suggestions are ours.